San Diego & Online Across California
That's not a character flaw. It's what happens when two nervous systems, two processing styles, and two completely different ways of moving through the world are trying to share a life. I've lived some version of this. I know what it costs.
The tools that work for most couples were never designed for yours. That's not a failure - it's just a different starting point.
One partner's quiet isn't coldness. One partner's intensity isn't manipulation. These are nervous systems doing what they know how to do. Therapy that doesn't understand that will keep sending you in circles. I work with what's actually in the room.
What Brings Couples Here
These are the things I hear most often. If you're nodding, you're probably in the right place.
You've had this argument so many times you both know the script. Nothing actually changes. And underneath the frustration there's something sadder - the feeling that maybe it never will.
Someone goes quiet when things get hard. The other pushes harder to make contact. The more one withdraws, the more the other escalates. Neither of you wants this cycle. You just can't seem to stop it.
You say the words and they don't land. Your partner hears something different from what you meant. After a while, you start to wonder if you're even speaking the same language.
One person carries the emotional labor, the planning, the remembering. Not because their partner doesn't care - but because executive function, time-blindness, or emotional dysregulation keeps getting in the way. That gap is real, and it gets heavy.
One of you needs a lot of closeness and reassurance. The other needs space to decompress. Both are legitimate. But without the right map, those needs start to feel like they're pulling against each other.
A late ADHD or autism diagnosis brings relief and grief at the same time. It explains things - and it also means revisiting years of your relationship with new understanding. That's a lot to land.
Who I Work With
This dynamic is one of the most common and most misunderstood. The neurotypical partner often feels alone. The neurodivergent partner often feels criticized. Both are exhausted. Both are trying. I help you understand what's actually happening between you.
ADHD shapes how someone regulates emotion, tracks time, follows through, and shows up for a partner. I work with the actual nervous system - not against it.
Autistic partners often have deep capacity for love and loyalty alongside real differences in how they express it. I help couples navigate that without pathologizing either partner.
Relief, grief, and a complete reframe of your relationship history - often all at once. I help couples process what the diagnosis means and rebuild with new eyes.
What to Expect
Most couples arrive dysregulated - flooded, guarded, or just tired. Before anything else, we create enough steadiness that real work is possible. That means pacing things to your actual nervous systems, not a standard template.
Using EFT, we map the pattern underneath the conflict. For a lot of neurodivergent couples, just having the cycle named clearly is a shift. Then we build something that actually works for both of you - real tools that account for how your brains work, not generic communication tips.
The body stays in the room. I spent 17 years as an acupuncturist before becoming a therapist. Somatic awareness is woven throughout - especially useful for neurodivergent clients whose bodies often know what their minds haven't caught up to yet.
Flexible Pacing Explicit check-ins, room to process in ways that don't look "typical." I don't expect you to fit a standard therapy mold.
Fully Online All sessions via Google Meet. No commute, no waiting room. A lot of my clients do their best work from their own couch.
Both Partners Are Held I don't take sides. I'm trying to understand both of your experiences fully - so you can stop being adversaries and remember you're on the same team.
My Approach
Every couple is different. I pull from several approaches and put them together based on what your relationship actually needs - not a predetermined protocol.
Emotionally Focused Therapy - mapping and shifting the negative cycle that keeps pulling you apart.
Body-centered tools for regulation and processing what words can't quite reach.
Parts work - understanding the protective behaviors that show up in conflict and what's underneath them.
How early patterns shape who we become in relationship - and how to work with that honestly.
Ready to Begin?
Start by filling out a quick screening form. I'll review it and reach out within 24 hours with a personalized match email and next steps.
Let's See If We're a MatchOr call / text Maring: 619-387-8725
