San Diego & Online Across California
You're not broken. You're not incompatible. You're wired differently — and nobody taught you how to bridge that gap.
Neurodivergent couples don't fail because they don't love each other enough. They struggle because the tools most couples use simply weren't designed for the way your brains work.
In neurodivergent relationships, one partner's silence isn't indifference — it's processing. One partner's intensity isn't manipulation — it's how they feel. Therapy that doesn't account for this will keep you stuck. I work with the actual wiring in the room.
What Brings Couples Here
These are the patterns I hear most often from neurodivergent couples. If you're nodding along, you're in the right place.
You've had this conversation a hundred times. Nothing changes. You love each other but you can't seem to find your way out of the cycle — no matter how hard you try.
One of you withdraws when things get hard. The other pushes harder trying to connect. The more one pulls away, the more the other escalates — until someone explodes or goes silent for days.
You say the words but they don't land. Your partner hears something different from what you meant. You feel like no matter what you do, you're always getting it wrong.
The emotional load, the planning, the remembering — it all falls to one person. Not because their partner doesn't care, but because executive function, time-blindness, or emotional dysregulation gets in the way.
One partner needs a lot of connection and reassurance. The other needs space and time to process. Both needs are valid — but without the right tools, they can pull a couple completely apart.
A late ADHD or autism diagnosis explained so much — but it also brought grief, identity questions, and a relationship history that suddenly looks different in the rearview mirror.
Who I Work With
This is one of the most common — and most misunderstood — relationship dynamics. The neurotypical partner often feels lonely, confused, or like they're carrying the emotional weight alone. The neurodivergent partner often feels criticized, misread, or like nothing they do is ever enough. Both are exhausted. Both are trying. I help you finally understand each other's experience and build a relationship that works for both of your brains.
ADHD affects far more than focus — it shapes how someone regulates emotions, tracks time, follows through on intentions, and shows up for a partner. I help couples understand the ADHD nervous system and build systems and communication tools that actually work.
Autistic partners often have deep capacity for love and loyalty — alongside real differences in emotional expression, sensory needs, and communication style. I help couples navigate these differences without pathologizing the autistic partner or dismissing the neurotypical partner's needs.
A late ADHD or autism diagnosis can be a relief, a grief, and a complete reframe of your relationship history — all at once. I help couples process what the diagnosis means for each of them individually, and for the relationship they're rebuilding with new understanding.
The Neurotypical Partner
Cassandra Syndrome describes the experience of the neurotypical partner in a neurodiverse relationship — the profound loneliness, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion that builds when your reality goes consistently unwitnessed.
You're not imagining it. Your needs are real. And you deserve support that sees both of you clearly.
You might be thinking..."I feel like I'm parenting my partner, not partnering with them."
You might be thinking..."When I try to explain how I feel, I end up comforting them instead."
You might be thinking..."I love them — but I've lost myself in this relationship."
What to Expect
Most neurodivergent couples arrive dysregulated — flooded, guarded, or exhausted. Before we go anywhere, we create enough safety and steadiness for real work to be possible. That means pacing sessions to your nervous systems, not a template.
Using EFT, we identify the underlying pattern driving disconnection — what triggers it, what each of you is protecting, and what you're actually longing for underneath the conflict. This alone can be revelatory for neurodivergent couples who've never had their dynamic named clearly.
Once we understand the cycle, we work on interrupting it — creating new moments of connection, repair rituals, and communication tools that account for how both of your brains actually work. Not generic advice. Real tools, built for your couple.
Somatic awareness is woven throughout. For neurodivergent clients especially, what's happening in the body often tells us more than words. We learn to read those signals and use them as a resource rather than a barrier.
That means flexible pacing, explicit check-ins, sensory considerations, and space for processing that doesn't look "typical." I don't expect you to fit into a standard therapy mold — I meet you where you are.
Telehealth is often a better fit for neurodivergent clients — no commute, no waiting room, and the comfort of your own environment. I offer secure, HIPAA-compliant video sessions to clients anywhere in California.
I don't take sides. My job is to understand both of your experiences fully and help you understand each other — so you can stop being adversaries and start being a team again.
My Approach
Each couple is different. I draw from several evidence-based approaches and weave them together based on what your relationship actually needs.
Emotionally Focused Therapy to map and shift the negative cycle driving disconnection.
Body-centered tools for nervous system regulation and processing emotion beyond words.
Parts work to understand protective behaviors and access the vulnerability underneath.
Understanding how early patterns shape your current relationship — and how to shift them.
Ready to Begin?
Start with a free 15-minute consultation. We'll talk about what's been happening, what you're hoping for, and whether we're a good fit. No pressure, no commitment.
Book My Free ConsultationOr call / text Maring: 619-387-8725
