The Invisible Signs of Emotional Growth

Reposted from previous Newsletter, to be notified of monthlyish newsletters you can subscribe here.

Sometimes I wish I had one of those time lapse videos to show the internal and emotional growth that happens over the days, months, years.  We are easily able to see the external growth that happens, but if we could have some visual tangible holdable thing and say “see this is the transformation that I had from that really hard thing I went through” I think it would make walking this path easier.  
 
It is only human nature I believe, to want to see proof of our efforts.  I am very motivated and satisfied when I can see a huge pile of laundry transform to neatly folded clothes and then disappear from the couch they have sat upon for days.  Or when I notice that my clothes feel different after putting in extra effort in my strength training workouts.  Or when I complete a book or complete a project.  
 
I think we need at times those external visible changes; they help us to complete stress cycles.
 
But what about all that emotional laboring that we as growth seeking humans do?  I often wonder why it's so hard for us to feel the same satisfaction when we break through a long-held belief system or pattern in our body.  Or when we start to feel more emotions and vulnerability after a long spell of not even knowing if we feel anything at all.
 
I have worked long enough with my own internal emotional landscape to understand that the gifts of doing inner work will change everything and nothing at the same time.  It doesn’t stop me from still wanting some external reality  to show up with an award and say:
 
“Congratulations! You win a prize for having gone through that hellacious time in your life”.  
 
I never receive the prize but what I do notice is that my relationships are more vulnerable, I notice that I am kinder to myself, I notice that I have more capacity within myself to hold the tenderness and difficult things in life, I notice that I feel lighter, I notice I give myself more space and time to be with what arises.
 
Inner work is a very quiet and personal process that needs its own kind of support and encouragement.  It may sound like:

• “Good job, you caught that 5 minutes sooner than last time!”

• “Wow, I see you being so kind to yourself!”

• “You are taking big risks, you are so brave!”

• “I see that the charge doesn’t feel so big anymore, good job staying with the feeling”

• “You are doing such big work, keep going I see you!”

 
I feel lucky to have amazing people in my life that are able to give me that exact sort of encouragement.  They have held me along the path and given me tools, support, love and guidance so that I could make that invisible transformation from caterpillar to butterfly, time and time again.  
 
Because walking the path towards more Joy inevitably will come with the discomfort of meeting some challenges along the way.  It is a path we can purposefully take, and we also have every permission to pause, stop, and distract ourselves until we are ready to begin again.  
 
I feel so privileged to be able to walk alongside my friends, family, and clients for the time they need me.  And even though we do not have that visible proof of our emotional growth (yet), we can still be the reflection for each other along the way.

How do you acknowledge and praise your own emotional growth?  What sort of encouragement have you had along the way?